Things You May Not Know About Rural Life

You know how all those city folks talk about moving to the country to have some peace and quiet? Well, you can certainly find that here. However, if you're looking for any *other than* peace and quiet, I can tell you right now that you will grow tired of the country life very soon.

Reason #1: Dial-up. People in the city have all kinds of fancy cable modems and web TV and high speed access to the net. In the country, we have one thing: dial-up. And if you're really lucky, you'll be dialing up to a local number.

Reason #2: Carrie who? There will be no Sex and the City watching for you, missy! Cable doesn't reach this far out of the city limits. Get yourself a dish or you're not going to see anything but Will and Grace re-runs. Don't get me wrong, I *love* the Will and Grace re-runs, but it sure would be nice to see all of the other shows people are talking about. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that if you don't invest in a really big antenna of some sort, you'll get no channels. That's right. None. Zip. Zilch. The antenna is a bare minimum for sanity out here, I think, because believe me, no matter how much you love your DVD collection, thos beloved flicks will get stale faster than Paris Hilton's TV show. (See, without the antenna, I wouldn't have been able to bust out that pop culture reference!)

Reason #3: Interaction with Neighbors. When you live in the country, you have to wave to everyone. This means that a quiet ride into town becomes an aerobic workout of sorts, depending on traffic. Also, you must execute the wave correctly. The proper form is to rest your right arm on the steering wheel (the wheel should hit your arm at the crease bwteen your wrist and hand) and when someone passes you, lift your hand only slightly, then give a quick two finger wave to the passing party. At no time should your arm actually leave the steering wheel. If you wave madly from inside the vehicle, people will laugh. Ask me how I know this.

Reason #4: Learning the Lingo. You'll need to spend some of your quiet time learning to fit in around here. Listen carefully to the local accent and special phrases. I am not kidding that when I open my mouth, people say, "You're not from around here, are you?" The city is somehow obvious in one's voice. I haven't figured out how yet, but I'll let you know if I do.