Saddened, Dismayed, Shamed

I've come to the conclusion that the TV show "Sunset Tan" represents all that is wrong with the world. This pains me to admit, because it involves telling you that I have watched this horror of a "reality" show and because I feel compelled to tell you that I do not intend to stop watching it any time soon because, as with any train-wreck, I cannot look away.

If you haven't seen Sunset Tan, please do not go and watch it now. No. Take my word for it. It's terrible, and you will be able to feel your brain cells slipping out of your ears as you sit there, mouth agape, hoping that this show is not so much reality as someone's idea of a really sad joke. If you have watched it, though, you know what I mean. How much stupid can they pack into thirty minutes of TV? Oh, it's lots. Lots.

The employee drama represents a good portion of the show. It boggles my mind that in all of L.A., the owners of this chain of tanning salons are unable to find anyone to hire who does not appear to be missing key portions of their brain, completely lazy or who actually would perform some kind of work during their shift instead of claiming that 99 percent of what is asked of them is "not their job." Vapid doesn't even begin to describe the employee roster.

And then there are the customers. Ask yourself this. If you'd like to be bronzed and looking as though you've spent a week in the Riviera, would you entrust said bronzing to someone who is the color of an Oompa Loompa, or who accidentally forgets to spray tan part of someone's body (see Olly Girls)? Frankly, if I want to be orange, I can pick up some gloppy self-tanner at my local Walmart. But I digress....

Perhaps the worst offender in the customer realm was the mother who brought in her elementary-school-age child because she apparently didn't look tan enough in previous school pictures. Being the most tanned girl in the class is tres important for the vapid-in-training, according to this mom. Nice. So, despite the obvious discomfort on the part of the child, she is sprayed all over with the Oompa ink, and is later shown all ready for her school picture. When I gazed at this little orange child, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. It was truly a ridiculous sight, so I decided on laughter. But really? There should be a law against artificial tinting of small children. It's wrong on so very many levels.

Actually, "wrong on many levels" would be a great subtitle for the whole series.